A Fluffy Duck With Venom

I am passive aggressive. I say this as a confession, an apology, and a prayer. I recognized today that I have problems saying exactly what I mean exactly when I feel it. I liken it to a poisonous fluffy duck (go with me).

So, you're at a park and you see a fluffy duckling. You think "Oh my goodness that duck is so cute!" Unable to resist the adorable little fur ball you walk on over, reach out and pet it. Now you don't know it of course, but this really annoys the duck (you don't know this because there is no indication from the duck, it doesn't move or quack or anything). With no warning signs to deter you, you reach out and pet it again. The duck, ignoring its own impulse to snap and attempting politeness instead, turns and smiles. Again, this is deceiving because while you simply interpret the smile to mean "Aw that's really nice please continue." The duck on the other hand means it as a polite version of "Please don't do that again or I will be forced to unleash my fury."

And then it happens. Sweet kind unassuming you reaches out your hand to pet a third time and all of a sudden the fuzzy sweet creature becomes a bite-sized bit of terror. It chomps your hand with a mouth full of poison. You're shocked! You're feeling weak and confused as you slowly sink to the ground. Meanwhile the duck, realizing what its done, is quacking an apology with the same sweet eyes that drew you to it in the first place. At this point, however, a duck's apology is as much unwelcome and annoying as it is completely incoherent. The damage is already done, the poison already administered, and the trust already broken.

The moral of the story: I would rather be direct. I would rather say the first time, "Hey that really bothers me," then wound others because I wasn't brave enough to speak up. I want to learn to speak clearly or not at all, to truly learn what it means to be slow to speak. I am very sorry to all those that I have bitten. And to those who like me found venom on their tongues and in their teeth I urge you to pray with me. Pray that we will learn the importance of being honest, yes with others, but first with ourselves.

Better a little aggression than a lot of passive.

Love and healing,

Ina