What I Gained When I Let Go

Ever since I can remember marriage has definitely been something that I idealized. As I get older this doe-eyed wonder extended to any level of a relationship with a man. Now, after a couple of decades of fantasizing I realized that the biggest flaw in this perfect picture is me.

If you know a tree by its fruit then two imperfect, naturally selfish beings simply cannot produce flawless fruit. So I began a pursuit to make myself less flawed. I can't make myself perfect, but I can at least make myself better; right? I can read the right books, I can see the right movies; and if watching fictional love stories gets to hard I can always cut out movie watching altogether. I'll exercise, I'll fast, I'll spoil myself, I'll take a trip, I'll stay at home; but I won't do the one thing that I know would help the most. I won't give up.

To me, giving up used to mean buying into the idea that the odds are stacked against me. It meant allowing myself to believe that I'm not worthy of the things I want. But the truth is that giving up, the right way, is simply a matter of realizing that I was never really in control in the first place.

There is no way to know what my life will be tomorrow, let alone 5 or 10 years from now. And there is such treasure in valuing each moment no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Thanking God for what I have and trusting Him to provide everything I need; realizing that what I have is enough.

Now, I know how incredibly infuriating that can be to read if you are a fellow single believer, especially if you are on the other side of 25 or 26, but I promise you it is true. I would never lie to you and say it is easy. You will cry to God and your friends a lot. You'll probably take some wrong turns here and there (frustration sometimes makes us unwise); but if you're seeking God all the while then one day you will wake up smiling and realize, "I'm already in love."

Identity

When Gepetto made Pinocchio he wasn’t making a puppet; he was making a son. So when he becomes human he isn’t becoming something that he is not. He is becoming something that he was always intended to be.

I think that sometimes when people look at believers they see a Pinocchio, a puppet. What they fail to see, and what we often forget to see, is that a puppet may be what we are for the time being, but it isn’t who we are. We, like Pinocchio, are children masterfully crafted by a loving creator. Sons…and daughters.

Things I Learned in Honduras Part 2

Lesson 3: You don't need a lot of resources to get things done, just some willing people.





Lesson 4:God speaks to me often, but I am seldom listening. Sometimes I need to move closer.




Lesson 5: Trust yourself and others enough to show them who you really are. Present the authenticity that you want to receive.





Lesson 6: Mountains can bring immense perspective and clarity. It's the real life application of lifting your eyes to the hills. They do wonders for the spirit.


To be continued...

Things I Learned in Honduras Part 1

The next few entries will be chock-full of lessons I learned on my trip to Honduras. Some humorous, but all very important. I hope you enjoy:

Lesson 1:Good work ethic does not speak a language.

When people are working toward a common goal they need only watch each other attentively and listen for clues to see what the other needs. I helped build chimneys, mix and transport cement, and build latrines all without speaking the same language as 80% of the people that I was working with.
Truth? Sometimes not being able to talk is a blessing. I learned so much by just watching and listening; not so much to what was being said, but more to how it was being said. Language barrier and all the people of Olancho taught me what it means to work hard. They showed me how to create work that I can be proud of, and how to make the most of my time. They taught me what truly creative solutions look like, and I am eternally grateful to each one of them.

Lesson 2: Just because a guy gives you the eye, it doesn't mean he's going to come over.

I learned this very valuable lesson from a beautiful infant boy named Lucca. My second to last day in the village in Olancho I worked with a family to help them build their latrine. The youngest boy Lucca and I played pick a boo from about 10 feet way. He giggled and even decided to mix things up by hiding behind a tree. Every time he caught my eye I thought, this handsome little guy is only moments away from coming over and playing some patty cake with me. He even learned my name (in Olancho everyone calls me Ana), and proceeded to repeat it excessively. By this time all of his friends, family, and neighbors are encouraging to come over to me and say hi. But after an hour and a half of hide and seek Lucca never did. I snapped a picture of him posing with a friend and we said our goodbyes from a smaller distance of about 3 feet. I never got a hug, he never came over to shake my hand or play patty cake with me. But you know what? I have no regrets. That was one of the best hours of hide and seek I ever had, it was more than enough. Thank you Lucca.

Learning to Serve

So I'm on a plane in route to Honduras for my first mission trip. Truth be told I'm a little nervous. What will be expected of me? What does it mean to be the hands and feet of Christ? I had been praying about these questions for awhile before the trip but I think I knew that I couldn't really learn or even hear the answers; I would have to live them. So, I pull out my copy of the book that our group leaders recommended, Toxic Charity by Robert D. Lupton, in an attempt to get a little more perspective. Boy, did I ever. Ten pages in I was twice as confused about what I was supposed to be doing. Confused in a perfectly wonderful way, that made me want to dig deeper and draw closer to Christ.



I absolutely recommend this book for anyone who plans to work with charitable organizations. Whether or not the organization is religiously affiliated , this book shines some light on the fact that most charitable efforts, despite the best intentions, often cause harm to the very people they are attempting to help. What I recognized in the book's examples and in my own life is a need to try and be a savior instead of attempting to be more like Him.
Think of it like teaching; the best teachers don't do the work for their students, they teach them how to do the work themselves. They teach them to solve problems on their own, they help them learn. And the absolutely phenomenal teachers know that the best way to teach is by learning from your students what they need. Sure, it's more time consuming and it takes much more energy but, its the only way to create lasting change. Its the only way to truly help others.

A Father's Love

Sometimes, well maybe most times, I believe that God patiently waits for us to finish our temper tantrums. We kick and scream and cry about our heartbreaks while God sits and waits for us, usually out of sight, but never far away, until we're finished. While we are breathless and exhausted, He gently approaches, brushes the hair from our faces, then drying our eyes, He whispers "Come with me." And I love how He always, without fail, always shows us something beautiful!

I'm reading The Shack right now and without telling much of anything I'll admit there is one such (and I expect several other) moments just like this. It occurred to me that there are so many examples of this tantrum and release in the bible. I think of David being pursued by Saul, Abraham and Sarah waiting on their promised son, and even one my favorite stories Elijah on mount Horeb.

Exhausted, frustrated, and alone Elijah heads to mount Horeb to get clarity from God on just what is going on. 1 Kings 19 opens with Elijah being threatened by the king's wife Jezebel. Afraid, he flees to the mountain where he weeps himself to sleep to be awakened by an angel who gives him food and drink, and tells him to go back to sleep, twice. I love this story because it is a clear picture of His heart for us, not as a scary an ominous God, but as a tender and patient Father. In fact I think that is what most of these stories have in common.

So then I began to think about all of the stories that weren't in the bible but I sense were there. I thought about women like Sarah and Elizabeth who were well past the age of menopause believing that God was going to keep His promise to them and make them mothers. I thought about Joseph in that prison, wondering if this cell meant that God had forgotten about him and His promise for him.

We have this image in our mind of faith as this stoic or maybe even Stepford-esque joy, complete with plastered on smiles and well prepared religious responses, but what if God is saying "I am a big enough Father to handle your temper tantrums. I don't stop loving you when you get frustrated, I don't take my promises back when you collapse in anger or weariness or fear. Tell me your troubles I want to hear everything. I only ask that when you bring them, you leave them."

Have you ever finished a really good cry and felt empty like "That's it, there's nothing else, I literally cried my guts out." I think that those are the moments that God says "Great! Now I can pour into you." Isn't that tremendous! That He takes all that sorrow pain and anguish and reveals something greater through all of it. I love Him!

Dear Abba,

Thank you for Your patience with us. Thank you for never leaving us alone, for crying with us, and when we're done, picking us up. Give us the courage to cry and surrender to You because we understand that You desire a broken and contrite heart more than sacrifice. We love you, honor and praise You even (and especially) through tears. In Jesus' name we pray,

Amen

Why The Hunger Games Scares Me

Spoiler Alert: If you haven't seen the movie, don't read this blog yet. Mucho spoilers throughout!

So about a week ago I finally saw Hunger Games. I waited a long time to see it because I knew instinctively it was going to be a lot, though I wasn't quite sure of what. I remember watching the first preview and thinking, "This looks like a modern day Holocaust movie."

I thoroughly enjoyed this film. It's beautiful; quiet in the right places, loud in the right places, harsh, and tender. A truly wonderful movie, but it scared me a lot. Here's the thing, it wasn't just the violent scenes or even that these violent acts were being committed by and on children. The reason this movie scares me is I see so much of who we already are as a society in this film. The arrogance, the viciousness, the selfishness; and it does seem, in one way or another, to be pointed at our children. That scares me. Sure we may not be literally sending our children out to be slaughtered by each other, but consider all the ways we are harming them. Stealing money from education, continuing to employ teachers who care nothing about children, ignoring, harming, and belittling them, only to send them out into a world they are ill prepared for. What else can denying our children hope and preparation be called except killing them?

There is a line in a Switchfoot song called Blinding Light:

Hey boy, don't believe them, we're the nation that eats our youth. Hey boy don't believe them none of us are bullet proof.

Are we teaching our children the things that matter? Are we giving them the things that last? Do we even remember how? I honestly have no stats for this but I feel pretty confident that 20 minutes of undivided attention with your child or student or mentee will mean more and last longer than hours spent on any Playstation, Xbox, iPad, iPod or Wii. How can we make sure that our children learn not just survival skills but life skills? I don't know about you, but I don't just want to survive here. I want to flourish, and I want the same for my children.

So, I'm not one of those people who believe in shining light on heavy problems and then walking away, I want to know what you think we can do to kill the Hunger Games mentality in our own society. It doesn't have to be big like building a school. My mentor always says "Success comes in pieces, work the pieces." Let's start a little bit at a time. Love you guys!

To our future,

Ina