Ever since I can remember marriage has definitely been something that I idealized. As I get older this doe-eyed wonder extended to any level of a relationship with a man. Now, after a couple of decades of fantasizing I realized that the biggest flaw in this perfect picture is me.
If you know a tree by its fruit then two imperfect, naturally selfish beings simply cannot produce flawless fruit. So I began a pursuit to make myself less flawed. I can't make myself perfect, but I can at least make myself better; right? I can read the right books, I can see the right movies; and if watching fictional love stories gets to hard I can always cut out movie watching altogether. I'll exercise, I'll fast, I'll spoil myself, I'll take a trip, I'll stay at home; but I won't do the one thing that I know would help the most. I won't give up.
To me, giving up used to mean buying into the idea that the odds are stacked against me. It meant allowing myself to believe that I'm not worthy of the things I want. But the truth is that giving up, the right way, is simply a matter of realizing that I was never really in control in the first place.
There is no way to know what my life will be tomorrow, let alone 5 or 10 years from now. And there is such treasure in valuing each moment no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Thanking God for what I have and trusting Him to provide everything I need; realizing that what I have is enough.
Now, I know how incredibly infuriating that can be to read if you are a fellow single believer, especially if you are on the other side of 25 or 26, but I promise you it is true. I would never lie to you and say it is easy. You will cry to God and your friends a lot. You'll probably take some wrong turns here and there (frustration sometimes makes us unwise); but if you're seeking God all the while then one day you will wake up smiling and realize, "I'm already in love."
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