101 Ways to Move You With Oooo

Once upon a time there was a girl with a broken heart. One day she turned on the TV to find two beautiful people singing to each other with freedom and excitement that seemed familiar to her. She had to learn more. So she listen to their music, then she listened again, then she couldn't stop listening.

Then a strange and beautiful thing happened; the girl began to hope again. These musicians, these lovers, they were doing something so daring and so extremely rare; they were living their dreams and loving each other out loud and on purpose. Their boldness, wit, and fury made her go back to the closets where she locked away her dreams. She blew away the dust and tried them on again.

The songs of these two beautiful people became the new anthems for this chapter of her life. And she was truly, deeply grateful to them.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jonnyswim.

The Thing at the Root and the Circle Around It

For a while now I have been struggling with anger. Snapping at people I love, not giving myself much of a break when I mess up, and just being generally uninterested in my life as a whole. I was walking into church this morning and that familiar still small voice said, "The person you have been disgusted with is yourself."

A while ago I asked God to show me who I really was. Dangerous prayer right? But I realized that I was buying into the hype of "Ina the saint" or "Ina the righteous" way too much and before the infamous pride-fall I wanted to be checked. But what God began to reveal to me, or in me, wasn't evil, it was broken. There were/are a million cracks in my heart. Places where time or circumstances or people (including me) have chipped away at me. They rattled me until I began to harden a bit to prevent future cracks.

I know what you're thinking, "Uh, this is a little deep for a Sunday afternoon read." Well hold on to your coffee and throw pillow cause it gets deeper. That was only the fist layer.

Recently God has been revealing the truth about my natural nature. That was even worse. These are things that I am naturally disposed to doing; being passive aggressive and saying hurtful things, or leaving work for someone else to do simply because I don't feel like doing it, pushing people away, hiding within myself because talking about what I am feeling is too complicated or messy. When I saw these things I saw the parts of myself I had been avoiding for so long. The parts that made it easier to buy the hype.

There was no hiding from it anymore. No way that I could push these things away and hope that I could forget them. Seriously, where do you hide from yourself? You could however, if you are used to the standard way of thinking, attempt to punish yourself for your shortcomings by closing yourself off from the things and people that you love most. Not too much of course, but just enough to feel the weight of your failures and "properly repent" for them.

This brings me back to today. I'm walking into church and realizing that even though I didn't consciously make these decisions, it is how I have been living for...I don't know how long. Well as a believer in Jesus and adopted daughter of the living God this will never do. There are three things I have to learn and remember:
1 The things that were revealed about my condition and my nature are all true. I'm absolutely a mess...on my own
2 I'm not on my own anymore. The moment I said "Jesus, I need you and want you in my heart and in my life." I became part of a very powerful family. The hosts of Heaven conspire to protect me, even from myself.
3 The thing about having this knowledge of my shortcomings and God's grace is to not be consumed by focusing on only one part. Yes, I sin and fall short of the glory of God and yes, his grace saves me forever and ever, period. These are non-exclusive truths, one enhances the other.

And then, as He always does, God confirmed our conversation and showed me what to do next, so sweetly might I add.

The sermon: There is a Crack in Everything by David B. Jones
inspired by a song written by Leonard Cohen

Anthem

"forget your perfect offering
there is a crack in everything
that's how the light gets in..."

Genius.

In His grace always,

Ina

What I Gained When I Let Go

Ever since I can remember marriage has definitely been something that I idealized. As I get older this doe-eyed wonder extended to any level of a relationship with a man. Now, after a couple of decades of fantasizing I realized that the biggest flaw in this perfect picture is me.

If you know a tree by its fruit then two imperfect, naturally selfish beings simply cannot produce flawless fruit. So I began a pursuit to make myself less flawed. I can't make myself perfect, but I can at least make myself better; right? I can read the right books, I can see the right movies; and if watching fictional love stories gets to hard I can always cut out movie watching altogether. I'll exercise, I'll fast, I'll spoil myself, I'll take a trip, I'll stay at home; but I won't do the one thing that I know would help the most. I won't give up.

To me, giving up used to mean buying into the idea that the odds are stacked against me. It meant allowing myself to believe that I'm not worthy of the things I want. But the truth is that giving up, the right way, is simply a matter of realizing that I was never really in control in the first place.

There is no way to know what my life will be tomorrow, let alone 5 or 10 years from now. And there is such treasure in valuing each moment no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Thanking God for what I have and trusting Him to provide everything I need; realizing that what I have is enough.

Now, I know how incredibly infuriating that can be to read if you are a fellow single believer, especially if you are on the other side of 25 or 26, but I promise you it is true. I would never lie to you and say it is easy. You will cry to God and your friends a lot. You'll probably take some wrong turns here and there (frustration sometimes makes us unwise); but if you're seeking God all the while then one day you will wake up smiling and realize, "I'm already in love."

Identity

When Gepetto made Pinocchio he wasn’t making a puppet; he was making a son. So when he becomes human he isn’t becoming something that he is not. He is becoming something that he was always intended to be.

I think that sometimes when people look at believers they see a Pinocchio, a puppet. What they fail to see, and what we often forget to see, is that a puppet may be what we are for the time being, but it isn’t who we are. We, like Pinocchio, are children masterfully crafted by a loving creator. Sons…and daughters.

Things I Learned in Honduras Part 2

Lesson 3: You don't need a lot of resources to get things done, just some willing people.





Lesson 4:God speaks to me often, but I am seldom listening. Sometimes I need to move closer.




Lesson 5: Trust yourself and others enough to show them who you really are. Present the authenticity that you want to receive.





Lesson 6: Mountains can bring immense perspective and clarity. It's the real life application of lifting your eyes to the hills. They do wonders for the spirit.


To be continued...

Things I Learned in Honduras Part 1

The next few entries will be chock-full of lessons I learned on my trip to Honduras. Some humorous, but all very important. I hope you enjoy:

Lesson 1:Good work ethic does not speak a language.

When people are working toward a common goal they need only watch each other attentively and listen for clues to see what the other needs. I helped build chimneys, mix and transport cement, and build latrines all without speaking the same language as 80% of the people that I was working with.
Truth? Sometimes not being able to talk is a blessing. I learned so much by just watching and listening; not so much to what was being said, but more to how it was being said. Language barrier and all the people of Olancho taught me what it means to work hard. They showed me how to create work that I can be proud of, and how to make the most of my time. They taught me what truly creative solutions look like, and I am eternally grateful to each one of them.

Lesson 2: Just because a guy gives you the eye, it doesn't mean he's going to come over.

I learned this very valuable lesson from a beautiful infant boy named Lucca. My second to last day in the village in Olancho I worked with a family to help them build their latrine. The youngest boy Lucca and I played pick a boo from about 10 feet way. He giggled and even decided to mix things up by hiding behind a tree. Every time he caught my eye I thought, this handsome little guy is only moments away from coming over and playing some patty cake with me. He even learned my name (in Olancho everyone calls me Ana), and proceeded to repeat it excessively. By this time all of his friends, family, and neighbors are encouraging to come over to me and say hi. But after an hour and a half of hide and seek Lucca never did. I snapped a picture of him posing with a friend and we said our goodbyes from a smaller distance of about 3 feet. I never got a hug, he never came over to shake my hand or play patty cake with me. But you know what? I have no regrets. That was one of the best hours of hide and seek I ever had, it was more than enough. Thank you Lucca.

Learning to Serve

So I'm on a plane in route to Honduras for my first mission trip. Truth be told I'm a little nervous. What will be expected of me? What does it mean to be the hands and feet of Christ? I had been praying about these questions for awhile before the trip but I think I knew that I couldn't really learn or even hear the answers; I would have to live them. So, I pull out my copy of the book that our group leaders recommended, Toxic Charity by Robert D. Lupton, in an attempt to get a little more perspective. Boy, did I ever. Ten pages in I was twice as confused about what I was supposed to be doing. Confused in a perfectly wonderful way, that made me want to dig deeper and draw closer to Christ.



I absolutely recommend this book for anyone who plans to work with charitable organizations. Whether or not the organization is religiously affiliated , this book shines some light on the fact that most charitable efforts, despite the best intentions, often cause harm to the very people they are attempting to help. What I recognized in the book's examples and in my own life is a need to try and be a savior instead of attempting to be more like Him.
Think of it like teaching; the best teachers don't do the work for their students, they teach them how to do the work themselves. They teach them to solve problems on their own, they help them learn. And the absolutely phenomenal teachers know that the best way to teach is by learning from your students what they need. Sure, it's more time consuming and it takes much more energy but, its the only way to create lasting change. Its the only way to truly help others.