A Sign of the Times

Sometimes the anger comes first. Without any real clarity about what you're angry about. You simply begin to notice that your tolerance level is exponentially shorter and people start asking things like, "Are you ok?" Or commenting that, "You seem different, a little snippy." And then you know something is wrong as you feel a deep red anger build in your stomach and before you can stop yourself you're yelling that there's nothing wrong with you, and everything would be fine if everyone would just leave you alone. But somewhere inside you know things wouldn't be fine, and they won't. Not until you admit the truth; that there is something wrong. You're certain of it. In fact you have been for sometime you just didn't want to worry anyone by mentioning it. Especially when you don't even know what "it" is. You're breathless and red-faced, sweating and all of a sudden thinking, "Why am I yelling? Why am I so angry, all the time?"

So here you are, facing yourself. For the first time in possibly a very long time and you're wondering who this person is? How did they get to be this way? When did they get to be this way, and how does one get back to a balanced, sane version of oneself?

I would really like to tell you that I know. Boy would I like to tell you that, but honestly, I don't. I'm figuring it out myself, but I know this much; where you are is a crossroads. You either choose to continue to ignore all these danger signs you're encountering, or you can admit the truth out loud, something is wrong. You don't even have to know what it is yet, you just start like every great miracle or redemption story starts, with a sincere prayer from a sincere heart.

Gracious Heavenly Father I need You. Something is wrong and I am not sure what it is, but I know that You do God. You know all things Lord Jesus, including me, so right now I pray that You would show me myself. Guide me in Your way everlasting Lord God. Show me how to interpret these signs so that I can rediscover the joy that You gave me in salvation. And when the joy is restored I pray that you will teach me to share it with others. Thank you Heavenly Father, I bless Your name forever, Amen.

*For a helpful prayer point and reference see Psalm 139, specifically verses 23-24.

Here's to restoration,

Ina